I have recently turned to use self-portraiture as a tool for personal exploration. The home studio becomes a sounding board for ideas, memories, and fears. Turning the lens on myself for the first time was nerve-wracking – every part of me resisted this simple act. This ‘thing’ that I have such a complicated relationship with - the camera now turned on me.
At first, I felt like I was on trial.
I explored key events and moments from my past, my Afrikaans heritage and overwhelming feelings of shame and fear as a child, and also my role as a father today – who I have been and am becoming.
Negotiating memories from a small collection of forgotten childhood photographs: I started surveying, recording, and scanning the photographs, cutting them up, zooming in - up close, and extracting from them imagery I could work with, emotional triggers, and subtle physical gestures.
The photographs on exhibition are part of a larger body of work, currently in the making; exploring these two states of being, then and now.