Since she was a little girl, Maite felt something special for some friends, but she did not know what it was. 'You're talking to me like a boy talks to a girl!' - a girl told her one summer. She was rebellious, he climbed trees and roofs; a 'machota', as her mother used to say. At 18 she decided to enter a convent.
"Maybe the idea of sharing life with women appealed to me. And well, I entered. The food was sparse and poorly prepared. They imposed a discipline on us thinking that religious fervor went through humiliation. I felt bad and after a few months I left. But I missed it and entered again, into a cloistered one. The rules were much softer there and I spent 8 very happy years inside. But when I fell in love with one sister there, the problems started. I started to have severe headaches, insomnia, I became aggressive; finally I went to a psychologist, but I could not say anything. I was never alone with him. The only one who knew my 'problems' was my confessor. He urged me to dominate myself. I tried but only got more headaches and more insomnia. I finally left.
I went through a tumultuous period of bisexual experiences. I got pregnant and arranged a marriage with a man with two children. For years I tried to be the perfect woman and mother. I fought with myself until one day I could not do it anymore. At Christmas, with my 9-year-old son and my 8-year-old daughter, we left home on a bicycle. My family reacted very well. I always had a lot of support in her. My mother sent me a letter: 'Dad and I have always known you were different,' she said.
I fell in love with Rosa at first sight. She had children too, and together we formed a great family. We were very happy for 14 years. In public, we pretended to be cousins. We were both caretakers and feared for our work. But in the neighborhood people knew. Sometimes they called by phone and shouted: “Butch! Disgusting, lesbian!' We did not give importance.
As many others, in general we went unnoticed, because nobody thought that two women could do something. Many women my age are still like this until now. Invisibility gives us freedom but, on the other hand, in many places we cannot share our experiences. Where I live now, I cannot do it and I miss it. I feel isolated."
Maite moved a few years ago to an apartment building for the elderly. - “I wanted to be near your daughter. She needs me to give her a hand and I often take care of my granddaughters. In the building I have good neighbors, very friendly, but I did not tell anyone that I am a lesbian. These issues produce here a total rejection. Many people consider us as we were like predators, just waiting to jump on any women that pass by. I would love to be able to speak about my life! What a joy it would give me! I would not feel so lonely here! "
