Fragments from the interview with Ángel
In my neighborhood were held some Christian courses so I went there and attended some talks, lectures. I spoke with the spiritual director to manifest my mental disorder due to homosexuality. I asked him for help and he told me about one doctor.
I went and this man placed me in a separate room, with a book that spoke badly about homosexuality and it was a way of going on the topic that homosexuality is not the right thing to do, it is a deviation, it is a disease, ... , all bad…
I needed something more consistent to reach inside me to change me. I told him that that was not enough for me and he said: "I send you to a psychiatrist friend who does therapies to cure you of homosexuality."
I went to the psychiatrist. But, of course, I was young I did not have the resources to pay for that and my parents did not know anything. I told him that I could not pay and he sent me to medical school. I went to the medical school and there we started the therapies ...
The sessions consisted of sitting in a comfortable armchair, they showed me slides of naked men and I had to choose from a few, the ones that I liked the most. Once the choice was made, they gave me an injection in the arm with a black liquid and immediately I began to vomit. While vomiting I was obliged to look at the slides of naked man….
When there was nothing left in the stomach, they told me: "drink water" and again the vomiting started ... And they keep on repeating: "do not stop looking, look!" ....
... each session was about 20 minutes…. and I had to take few of them…
When I went out, my reaction was to hate men; I felt rage, I was thinking: because of you, because I like you, I have to suffer all this!! ...
Then the doctor told me: "since somehow you have lost strength liking men, now you have to gain strength for women and start to approach them.” And then it was a few slides too, the ones that attracted me the most and he would tell me what I could do with them .... in such a way as to excite me ... and "you do not stop looking at them!" and such ... and, well, I did not react at all ....
After a few sessions he told me: "Well this is theory but now we have to move on to practice. You have to do something with a woman, to see how you function, how you react ".... and says: "Do not you have anyone to try with?" ...
I thought of a girl from my town, but I did not want to hurt her. Then he told me: "look for a prostitute to prove it" ... and I told him that I did not know a prostitute ... and he told: "whenever you want, but you have to practice with a women.”
I went to the Chinatown of Valencia, and there up the street, down the street, looking at the women ... But they scared me and finally I decided to go into a bar ... I was so nervous ... And finally I ran ... and did not return to Chinatown at all.
I went back to the clinic and said, "Look, I do not know where to start. That scares me "... and he insisted:" Well, we have to move on to practice if we want to advance in therapy "...
And that's when I decided to start relationship with this girl, from the village ... Because I told myself that if I do not do this, I could as well commit suicide .... It hurt my heart to make this decision, but if not, I already saw myself dead. Then we have started a relationship ...”
Angel finally broke the relationship with that woman. Some time later, he met Esteve, his partner since then and with whom he got married when the same-sex marriage law was passed. Today he lives according to his orientation and happy in marriage.
Until recently, Ángel taught traditional dance. I attended one of his classes and I was able to talk with his students, mostly women over 50 who have known him since childhood. One of them told me: "Now I understand why he, when he was young, was always thin, stressed, complaining of stomach and health problems. Now he is another person, now he is finally happy. "
