Jessica Ruiz

Visual Storyteller

jessicaruizphoto.com

2,639 Sunsets

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Location: Orange County, California

Nationality: American

Biography: Jessica Ruiz is a bilingual photojournalist and lifestyle photographer based in LA.

The guilt eats me up at night k... just wanted to make you proud.

The guilt eats me up at night knowing that I brought a person into our lives who hurt us all so much. I’ve always just wanted to make you proud.

I’ve thought about ru...y last thought at night either.

I’ve thought about running away and never coming back to California hundreds and thousands of times during the past month. Maybe if I go far enough, I’ll stop thinking of you. Maybe then you won’t be the first thing on my mind when I wake up. Maybe from so far away you won’t be my last thought at night either.

No matter how much everyone tel...s beautiful things every night.

No matter how much everyone tells me “things will get better” and no matter how much everyone around me says “you’re so strong, Jess”, the feeling of death still lingers and whispers beautiful things every night.

I know it’s hard mom,...he choices I’ve made.

I know it’s hard mom, I know he broke your heart, too. You don’t know how bad I wish I could fix this; I hate knowing that you’re in pain because of the choices I’ve made.

I used to pray for you and your... do this sooo far away from me.

I used to pray for you and your happiness every night, for seven years, and even after you destroyed my heart, I still went down on my knees every day and prayed that you’d find the happiness I couldn’t give you. I wish you happiness, I wish you good health and I wish you love. But I also wish you do this sooo far away from me.

Today I realized that I don&...never crave you like I used to.

Today I realized that I don’t want you back, after weeks of begging God to bring you back into my life. I finally realized that you could never do anything that would make me want you back. Isn’t that sad? This makes me so sad because I loved you for seven years and I’m disappointed in myself for not wanting to love you anymore, I’m mad that you fucked me up so bad that I could never crave you like I used to.

I think back to our conversatio...ing me when you had the chance.

I think back to our conversations and how you would tell me angrily "I'll kill the guy in front of you and then you if you ever cheat on me" and I would laugh and say "yes sure, me too". Endless threats we would tell each other so we wouldn't cheat. I know now that the reason you cheated was that you knew it was the only way to end our relationship. I forgive you for cheating on me, I forgive you for starting a relationship while you were with me, I forgive you for all that you’ve done to me and my family. I just hope that one day I can forgive you for not picking me when you had the chance.

I can still smell the yellow tu...ppy as it was going to make me.

I can still smell the yellow tulips you would buy me every Christmas day. You knew they were my favorite. Even though I’ve never been the flower type I knew that was the way you showed me you loved me. I can't help but think about what you'll do with the ring you were going to propose with, I hope it makes someone else as happy as it was going to make me.

Best friend, I’m not ...rong and courageous as you are.

Best friend, I’m not sure where I would be in life if it weren’t for you. I pray that everyone has a friend in their life who has at least half the love you have. You have listened to me hysterically crying for hours and hours at a time. The amount of love I feel when I am with you makes me strong. I crave this unselfish love we share. I’ll always remember the 30-second dance parties, the cuddly sleepovers and the endless advice you’ve shared. I love you best friend, I hope you know that I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. You inspire me to be as strong and courageous as you are.

When did you stop loving me? Wh...to forgive and forget so badly.

When did you stop loving me? Why did you stop? I’m curious, how is it that you don’t cry yourself to sleep? What is your secret – tell me and I’ll tell you mine? I know these and a million other questions I have won’t be asked or answered and I have to live with that, forever. I want to forgive and forget so badly.

Today I feel strong, I finally ...That is something to celebrate.

Today I feel strong, I finally feel like I’m me again. I’ve counted the days without tears: two of the past 43. That might not seem like a lot, but I’ve gone TWO days without crying! That is something to celebrate.

You’ve been gone for ...urts and haunts you every time.

You’ve been gone for more than a month: The blue sky still reminds me of you; I hope you hear me driving your “dream car” past your house every day; I hope people send you photos and videos of me driving around town; I hope it hurts and haunts you every time.

Yo te amé como nadie...p;ntilde;ora Nieves de tu vida.

Yo te amé como nadien más. Quería vivir mi vida contigo. Me da tristeza saber que nunca tendré a tus hijos que tanto querías. Me da tristeza saber que nunca seré la señora Nieves de tu vida.

After all of this I still wish ... have one last sunset together.

After all of this I still wish we could have one last sunset together.

PLAY

STOP

GRID

FULL

LOVE

Thumbnail of The guilt eats me up at night kn_s just wanted to make you proud.

Thumbnail of I’ve thought about run_my last thought at night either.

Thumbnail of No matter how much everyone tell_rs beautiful things every night.

Thumbnail of I know it’s hard mom, _the choices I’ve made.

Thumbnail of I used to pray for you and your _u do this sooo far away from me.

Thumbnail of Today I realized that I don&_ never crave you like I used to.

Thumbnail of I think back to our conversation_king me when you had the chance.

Thumbnail of I can still smell the yellow tul_appy as it was going to make me.

Thumbnail of Best friend, I’m not s_trong and courageous as you are.

Thumbnail of When did you stop loving me? Why_ to forgive and forget so badly.

Thumbnail of Today I feel strong, I finally f_ That is something to celebrate.

Thumbnail of You’ve been gone for m_hurts and haunts you every time.

Thumbnail of Yo te amé como nadien_mp;ntilde;ora Nieves de tu vida.

Thumbnail of After all of this I still wish w_d have one last sunset together.

Private Story

2,639 Sunsets

Updated May 2020

Topics Abstract, Arts, Beachs, Beauty, Black and White, Depression, Fine Art, Friends + Family, Grief, Happiness, Heart broken, Loss, Love, Mental Illness, Photography, Photojournalism, Portraiture, Privacy, Relationships, Youth