day one by laura

Public Story

day one

Copyright laura 2024

Updated Dec 2021

Topics Confrontation, Essays, Happiness, Photography, Portraiture

this is me today. my first self portraits on my new (to me) D5600. and really, this has been me for a while. i hate the phrase “let myself go,” bc of all the awful ways people use it against themselves and others. and how purposeful it feels—i let myself go, i let the dog out, i let the washer run. maybe i did “let” this happen. it’s weird, bc there’s a part of you that knows it’s happening—more time on my phone, books left unfinished, plans cancelled, another five days without a shower go by. i -know- i’m letting myself leave, bit by bit. and then i didn’t see myself anymore—i don’t even feel like i belong to my body anymore. so to say: i haven’t been doing well, for some time. falling feels like flying till the bone crush. but! i have a psych appointment in two weeks. and getting this camera is a dream fulfilled. i -felt- something today—excitement, curiosity. feelings i’d forgotten. i want to document my way back. or rather—my way onward. today is the beginning.

114