HE, SHE, IT by Betina Garcia

22-year old Alexander Miller fi...h all of this," he said.Â

22-year old Alexander Miller first identified as a lesbian as he has always been attracted to women, and thought you were supposed to identify as such when being born as a female. Â "I never liked saying I'm a lesbian. The way I see it, if you feel like a guy then you're a guy. I've always felt I was trapped in a female body. If I was born as a guy everything would have been so much easier and I never had to go through all of this," he said.Â

Alex began testosterone treatm...ointment is 50 US$ each time.Â

Alex began testosterone treatment in March 2016. He couldnt afford to go to a doctor, so he only got his shots the first two times at the doctors office. He learned to shoot himself by watching Youtube videos. The first time he had to shoot himself he couldnt figure out to insert the needle as he forgot to remove the lid. The testosterone can be very dangerous for the body as it thickens the blood. It's important to get medical supervision, but he can't afford it as his family no longer support him. A bottle costsÂ 89Â dollars and will last for five months. A doctors appointment is 50 US$ each time.Â

Alexander Miller kisses his gir...love with," Courtney said.

Alexander Miller kisses his girlfriend Courtney Kay Smith in their apartment in Bowling Green, Ky on May 5, 2016. They live together in a room in a shared apartment close to campus. The couple has been together since October, 2015. When they met Alex identified as a girl. Courtney completely supports his transition and has always seen him more as a guy by the way he dresses and acts.Â "I love him for who he is and not for his body parts. Even if he would get all the surgeries I will still love him for the person I fell in love with," Courtney said.

Alex was born as Lexus Chante&...tional period," he said.Â

Alex was born as Lexus Chante' Miller. He was born and raised in Kentucky and Tennessee and comes from a very religious family of Southern Baptists. He's a mix of Black, White and Cherokee. He changed his name to Alexander Lane Miller and got it legalized in March 2016. â€œI feel like I didn't do Lexus justice because it's who my mom wanted me to be. So I killed Lexus. With my new name I feel like it's who I am on the inside and who I ultimately want to become. I know that I'm Alexander Lane Miller, but I'm still in this awkward transitional period," he said.Â

Courtney Kay Smith is getting A...was inspired by his drag name.

Courtney Kay Smith is getting Alex ready for his final drag show in a long time on April 28, 2016. He's performing at the gay club called Play inÂ Nashville, Tennessee, where he performs as a drag King under the nameÂ â€œAlex Ryderâ€, which is his stage name. His legal name Alexander Lane Miller was inspired by his drag name.

Alex is constantly worried abo...ch that point," he said.Â

Alex is constantly worried about being misgendered. The worst thing is when he looks himself in the mirror. "I'm on the way to be happy. I see the small changes. This is who I'm supposed to be, I just prefer to see my body covered up untill I reach that point," he said.Â

While attending Western Kentuck...inside the suit," he said.

While attending Western Kentucky University Miller played the role of Big Red, the university mascot. It's a gender neutral mascot whose characther is known as being larger than life. He attended an football event on campus on April 23, 2016. It's not supposed to be an animal or a person. "When I'm inside Big Red, I'm not pressured to be a guy or a girl, because Big Red is an it. There's alot of people in Bowling Green that love the Hilltoppers and Big Red, but maybe they would act differently if they knew that a transgender guy was inside the suit," he said.

Most of Alex's friends are...elt as a guy," Alex said.

Most of Alex's friends are from the dance and cheerleading team as they go to the same events. In April, 2016 Alex got to go to Daytona Beach, Florida to attend the Mascot Nationals with Big Red. While being there he had time to have some fun in the water. "I was born a girl, but I've always felt as a guy," Alex said.

According to Alex itâ€™s very h...ntifies as a transgender guy.Â

According to Alex itâ€™s very hard to change sex, in particular the process of being in transition.Â
In the summer of 2015 he came out to his family and friends as a lesbian because he liked girls, but at the same time he dressed very masculine. His mom had aÂ
hard time dealing with him being a lesbian why they havenâ€™t talked since September 2015 and she doesnâ€™t know he now identifies as a transgender guy.Â

Alex, Courtney and her best fri...tate of confusion,â€ he said.

Alex, Courtney and her best friend Kylie go to Play nightclub to perform at a drag show on April 28, 2016 in Nashville, TN.
â€œI felt like an outsider as a lesbian. I was forced into this category and now Iâ€™m in a completely different category. Iâ€™m in a constant state of confusion,â€ he said.

Courtney watches Alex perform a...esbian nor a straight person.Â

Courtney watches Alex perform at the night club Play in Nashville, TN on April 28, 2016. She is always by Alex's side and is his biggest support. They have been dating for eight months. By the age of 14 she knew that she was a lesbian, but now she doesn't identify as a lesbian nor a straight person.Â

Alex is enjoying a moment with ...love with," Courtney said.

Alex is enjoying a moment with his girlfriend Courtney Kay Smith in between Big Red events on May 7, 2016 in Bowling Green, Ky. "I love him for who he is and not for his body parts. Even if he would get all the surgeries I will still love him for the person I fell in love with," Courtney said.

At his graduation ceremony on ...rom my family," he said.Â

At his graduation ceremony on May 14, 2016 nobody from Alex's family showed up. He had written his mom a letter explaining that he liked to dress as a guy and was interested in women. The mom, who's from a religious family didn't understand. She said that she loved him no matter what, but kept her distance in the months after. Alex eventually stopped contacting her and they haven't talked since September 2015 why she doesn't know that he identify as a transgender guy now. Alex is very disappointed and is sad the mom couldn't be there for him on this very special day. "It's really hard and hurts me that they haven't been there for me. I'm almost through it (school), but I've done it without my family. This could have been such a different school year, instead I had to face it all alone and without any support from my family," he said.Â

Alexander Miller graduates on t...rous events at Ramsdell house.

Alexander Miller graduates on the 14th of May, 2016. At the ceremony he hugs the president Ramsdell of Western Kentucky University. He gets to wear the gloves of Big Red, so people can see that he was portraying the mascot. He was Big Red for three years why he has made numerous events at Ramsdell house.

On May 16, 2016 the couple arri... so they have alot in common.Â

On May 16, 2016 the couple arrivedin Arlington, Texas where they moved into a room in a house owned by another transgender guy called Simon. Alex has met some other transgender guy through facebook groups and his new friend Elijah dropped by and helped them move in. Eli and Alex started testosterone treatment only two days apart, so they have alot in common.Â

After his graduation ceremony ...xas where Courtneys dad live.Â

After his graduation ceremony Alex and Courtney went to Tennessee to celebrate with Courtneys mom and husband, Eric. The next morning they said goodbye as Courtney and Alex wanted to leave Kentucky behind and start a new life in Arlington, Texas where Courtneys dad live.Â

Alex is posing for a portrait i... a normal thing,â€ Alex said.

Alex is posing for a portrait in the coupleâ€™s apartment where he now lives in Arlington, Tx on November 19, 2016. They have been working non-stop since they moved to Texas in May to build a new life. He just quit his job at a local donut-shop because they couldnâ€™t give him enough hours. In October 2016 they got a new apartment but canâ€™t afford new furniture. â€œAll I want is to live my life in peace and quiet and not worrying about being misgendered all the time and keep having people questioning my gender and fear that my past will haunt me forever, or that my sex will haunt me forever. I just want to be a normal thing,â€ Alex said.

The couple are exhausted after ...h," he said in May 2016.Â

The couple are exhausted after the move to Texas. They have spent weeks worrying how to make ends meet and had to move out of their apartment without paying last months rent in order to secure their new room. In Texas they'll have a cheap rent so they can save up money. They'll both be working two jobs to earn enough. Alex got a job at the Texas Rangers selling raffle tickets and as the mascot at a donut shop.Courtney will work at Wendy's before applying to go to a cosmetology school. "I'm looking forward to going to a new place where nobody knows me and I can start fresh," he said in May 2016.Â

Alex works one or two times a ...al situation," Alex said.

Alex works one or two times a month selling raffle tickets at the Dallas Cowboys Stadium while the team is playing. It pays 15 dollars an hour. He has a degree in broadcasting but while studying at WKU he spent all his time being Big Red so he doesn't have any experience why it's hard to get a job in that industry. He would love to be the mascot with the Dallas Cowboys, but thats very difficult. "Right now it's important to get a job that pays the bills so we can get settled and don't worry about the financial situation," Alex said.

Alex goes to the doctor for his...s anxious than two years ago.Â

Alex goes to the doctor for his two-year check up in Nashville, TN on March 26, 2018. he started testotherone treatment on March 25, 2016 which he identifies as his second birthday. He is now preparing to get his top surgery which is the next step in his transition from female-to-male. The doctor said he looked less anxious than two years ago.Â

Alex poses for a portrait in hi...happen in the Summer of 2018.Â

Alex poses for a portrait in his room on April 1, 2018 in Bowling Green, KY. He is now in his second year of his transition and now has a beard and a wider back. He has gained weight and now feels he looks more like a guy. He moved back to Bowling Green, KY where he works at Home Depot and lives with three friends. He feels way more secure and comfortable in his body. He looks forward to top surgery which will happen in the Summer of 2018.Â

https://vimeo.com/168150016

Watch the video where Alex portrays the mascot Big Red

Betina Garcia

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