Rory Doyle

Photographer

Mi Cuerpo

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Location: 38732

Nationality: USA

Biography: Rory Doyle is a working photographer based in Cleveland, Mississippi in the rural Mississippi Delta. Born and raised in Maine, Doyle studied journalism at St. Michael’s College in Colchester, Vermont. In 2009, he moved to Mississippi to... MORE

Mi Cuerpo — Marisol Doyle: Not Choosing Motherhood

photo essay by Rory Doyle

In 2019, my wife, Marisol, unde... you to get pregnant."

In 2019, my wife, Marisol, underwent a major laparoscopic surgery to remove myomas, polyps and a fallopian tube tumor in her home city of Ciudad Obregón, Mexico. It was a taxing experience for her, especially when the doctors discovered more tumors than the preliminary ultrasounds revealed.

Waiting alongside my in-laws and extended family, it brought us all great relief when the nurses brought her out of the operating room and said everything went smoothly. I was fighting back tears when I saw her shaking from the anesthesia, but I was so proud of her strength and bravery. But both of us will never forget one of the first things her surgeon said when he came to visit her in the recovery room.

“If you’re going to have kids, you better do it soon because I went in and cleaned everything. In four months when you're fully recovered, it will be a perfect time for you to get pregnant."

We’ve been married fo...e I was supposed to.”

We’ve been married for 15 years now, and throughout, we’ve expressed a common feeling that we don’t want children. But for Marisol, this has meant she’s had to explain why she’s not a mother for most of her adult life.

“It’s so traditional in Mexico for women to become mothers right after marriage, but I never had a burning desire to have kids,” she said. “I love children, but I didn’t want to have my own just because society told me I was supposed to.”

When we travel to Mexico to vis... at each household…

When we travel to Mexico to visit her relatives, she faces the same questions at each household…

“When are you having ...ou get older, right?”

“When are you having kids? Why haven’t you had any yet?”

“How many kids are you going to have?”

“You know you have to have kids soon, before you get older, right?”

Questions like these are asked ... don’t have children.

Questions like these are asked by everyone really, not just her family members. Here in Mississippi, across the country, or even when we travel together internationally, people ask us why we don’t have children.

“I don’t feel offended when people ask, but I often stop and think before I ask other women the same questions,” she added. “Choosing not to be a mother, or being medically unable to give birth — these are very personal things. Sometimes I wish society would take that into account more, and not assume all women have to grow into mothers.”

Marisol was raised Catholic gro...sed her to break from the norm.

Marisol was raised Catholic growing up, like a huge majority of Mexicans. Most of the time, families at church had four of five children, but her family was smaller. She has just one sister who is seven years older. This dynamic is something Marisol thinks also caused her to break from the norm.

“I’d look at other families and think that someday I’d be like them, going to church with my husband and our large family. It’s kind of what every young girl imagines where I’m from,” Marisol said.

“But when I got older...pregnancy and birth.”

“But when I got older, a couple things happened. I became less religious and didn’t see faith as guiding my future. And I also looked at my own family and realized it’s ok to be different. I didn’t see myself as a mother, and I wasn’t excited to put my body through pregnancy and birth.”

We both believe there is great ...what they do with their bodies.

We both believe there is great joy and opportunity that comes from parenting, but we also share the belief that married adults should not be mandated to have children — just as we believe women have the right to choose what they do with their bodies.

“Politically speaking...xious,” Marisol said.

“Politically speaking, efforts to overturn Roe v Wade and other restrictions on reproductive rights make me very anxious,” Marisol said.

“I don’t understand why politicians want to determine what I do with my body. These decisions should be up to me, and the same is true for all women. Lobbying and politics, religious traditions, societal pressures — none of these should control my body.”

We know we’ll be face...s selfish, abnormal or unhappy.

We know we’ll be faced with questions about child-rearing for the rest of our lives. Some people probably label us selfish, abnormal or unhappy.

We hope these assumptions will ...e two of us and our cat, Sunny.

We hope these assumptions will decrease over time, not just for us, but for women and their partners across the globe. We are grateful for the family we have, the two of us and our cat, Sunny.